We Need to Talk

It's interesting to note that you're now having all sorts of reactions to the subject title of this post. The ramifications sprout from the experience you might have gained in the context of that expression. Chances are, at any point in time, each one of us was told that. No worries, it's not that kind of talk.

Still, we can treasure the linguistic lesson. Whenever we use a phrase in one context that has acquired a meaning in another, we may face confusion. After all, if we scan what we read, we also skim through what we hear: it's called part adaptation -- as in "we've heard it before" -- part assumption -- as in "my highly trained neural network has just jumped to a life-saving conclusion."

Why is this important?

When we relate to others, unless nonverbal clues come to our aid, we need to engage other communications skills to convey what we mean. So we smile through the phone because our inflection colors with that gesture, we modulate our voice to transmit an upbeat and prompt disposition, and we lean forward or better yet stand up to sound ready to act upon the conversation.

Before we do all that, we would be served well by joining the conversation in real time. That is being open and available to listening, translating what is being said into action items where appropriate, and to that effect stand ready to learn. I'm talking about the relationship with our customers.

Last week I joined the panel at the Fast Company Expert blogs debuting with a post that explains my relationship with the magazine. In the business world, there are organizations of all sizes and models, and there are experiences on both sides of the issue, the corporate side and the customer side, both will be in my stories.

I will post on that blog at least once a week. My next article is coming up, served fresh from experience.

Stephen Denny at Note to CMO talked about The Art of Not Listening recently. This is but one example of what we often do to people when we're so concerned about staying on script and frankly not enough about the person we're talking with. Now more than ever, we *need* to talk. The emphasis is on the need. Talk can change our lives.

Comments

[David Armano]

Valeria,

You are such a "Maven"! :) I still can't get over how active you are in so many communities.

Best of luck with the new ventures.

[Matt Dickman]

Great points Valeria. The marketer that doesn't keep a pulse on the conversations happening in their nabe are going to have a really rough time. Joining those conversations in a real, honest, sincere manner is crucial and is such a great PR/customer service/sales tool.

Smart companies are already picking up on this and expanding their entry points to the conversation. Keep up the great work. I'm looking forward to continuing the conversation.

[Richie]

Good luck Valeria!

Your workload is most impressive--as is your ability to keep a high level of quality control!

Interesting point about non-verbal clues. This is one of the reasons why internet conversations are often plaqued by misinterpration.

Can't remember the exact figures but something like 50% of the meaning in conversation comes from nonverbal clues.

[ann michael]

"Whenever we use a phrase in one context that has acquired a meaning in another, we may face confusion."

Since I can be a word geek, I sometimes like to argue about what a word really means. But in change management I have to shut up and accept that the organization has a meaning for that word and whenever I use it - it's that meaning I will convey!

Great point!

[Valeria Maltoni]

David -- Thank you for taking the time to stop in. My secret is that I love to learn from others and these activities allow me to do more of that.

Matt -- as you're involved in a number of interesting interactive projects on the technology strategy side, I am looking forward to learning from you.

Richie -- nonverbal are harder to pick up online, yet not impossible. They become the wake someone leaves and the impact it has on others. My motto: when in doubt, choose to be kind to being right.

Ann -- You're absolutely on target. Words can be false friends. I remember one of my first lessons learned through translation... I'll share it over drinks.

[Lewis Green]

Valeria,

Words are tricky, especially in non-verbal, face-to-face situations.

I have been a relatively successful writer/communicator for nearly 40 years, yet I still make horrendous word choices. Fortunately, there are always more than a few readers ready to set me straight. Never too old to listen or to learn.