"Language is more than words," starts the interactive composition on NPR. Words are just the tip of the iceberg. "Their meaning depends on the underlying social and emotional context." The meaning beneath the words does indeed come from shared experiences and the ability to read a person's mind.
Your boss has a habit of holding only two kinds of discussions behind closed doors: she either is (a) about to tell you that she'd like you to stay later that night, or (b) that you're fired. Guess what you're ready to do when she calls you in and closes the door? And you'll do it gladly.
Of course we've know that language is not only made of words; nonverbal information fits in there as well. When your boss closes the door and smiles, or walks back to her desk using open body language, you know she will ask you to stay late. If she winces, well, you're in for a difficult conversation. But that's not all.
The meaning of words also depends very much from the context in which they are used. The reality check on that meaning allows you to know what is meant -- for example, how do you know what light means if you haven't tested what it feels like? In the same way that forms a shared experience, language gives us an opportunity to share our thoughts and forge connections.
In that case, the fabric of our social dealings determines the meaning of our words: if I say something in the course of a conversation, you are more likely to interpret it as connected with my blog and the topics I write about. This is the case especially if you are reading this post through a feed reader and are familiar with my style. This is the part that counts the most for developing relationships. Until there are shared experiences that become part of our social fabric -- the way we think together -- we may not be on someone else's radar.
Which brings me to the mind reading part. If you're observant, you will be able to recognize what may be on someone else's mind by the way they take in your words. Reading nonverbal behavior is one way as is pooling together our past experiences with a person. And here's a nugget from the presentation, what scientists call theory of mind: the ability to recognize the beliefs, intentions and desires of others. This may be especially interesting for us marketers as we integrate field observations with factual research.
I worked for many years with brain injured children and young adults. One of the labels applied to a certain kind of cortical injury is called autism. As Dr. Temple Grandin in the presentation produced by NPR, autistic people have trouble recognizing what others are thinking. So they become good at understanding other kinds of shared experiences to compensate for that.
Empathy, or the ability to walk into another person's shoes, allows you to understand what someone else is feeling, which is the ultimate way to gain access and understanding to their words and actions. This is a characteristic used very effectively in winning negotiations. Contrary to popular belief, emotion should be accounted for when we dialogue with others even when we're talking about business contracts -- it does enter that picture anyway.
People are people are people. If we're hoping to win over customers, make friends, and find buyers for our brands, we might consider engaging that stuff that lies beneath language. I call it love. Happy Valentine's week and thank you for engaging with Conversation Agent.
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