Inaugurating a New Series on Connections: Kata

People often ask me how I can maintain such a large number of connections over time. Connections make the web and social media work -- connections take place in conversations. As well, connections continue to contribute to the good health of businesses and people.

In marketing, connections live right alongside the brands that resonate with us. While when you hear someone say they are "connected", they may mean that they are in the inner circle of people and issues, to them personally that may also mean they feel included.

I've been thinking about a metaphor that represents the interconnected way in which I see the world -- mind, body and spirit -- that can also serve as an overall brand for tips on making connections with ideas, people, and self. I came up with the Kata.

I practiced long distance Karate-dō for three years. That means I was training by myself by conditioning body through exercise of Kata and mind through appreciation of form, while taking classes and exams in a gym in Italy whenever I was traveling back. Since the Wikipedia entry linked above seems to need fact checking, I thought I'd share the definition by Masatoshi Nakayama in the series Best Karate:

Deciding who is the winner and who is the loser is not the ultimate objective. Karate-dō is a martial art for the development of character through training, so that the karateka can surmount any obstacle, tangible or intangible.

Karate-dō means of the empty-hand and is the art of self-defense. To become a victor, one must first overcome his own self. The problem, if there is one, is the way we are inside, which robs us of our own enlightenment.

The important parts to achieve good form are using the hips as a source of power (as anchored to the core), developing good stance (foundation), having good dynamics when moving and changing direction (flexibility and change), and coordination (symphony and meaning). They are all key elements of the Kata or form, the detailed choreographed patterns of movements practiced either solo or in pairs.

"Regardless of how many kata a person may know, if his training in them is insufficient, they will be useless." [Mabuni Kenwa - 1989-1952   A principle founder of modern karate and originator of the Shito School of Karatedo.]

This is the basis for my using the term Kata to address making connections. Because there is also the part of kumite as a strategy and although you may have experienced connections in opponent situations, the goal here is to practice tips that will make you a more effective communicator and connector.

The Bow

Let's start with the bow, which is the first step in communications and connection. That is the sign of respect for the space, as well as the acknowledgment of the other. I had an extensive conversation by email with Jens Hilgenstock, a fascinating thinker and writer, about his post Encounters at 5,000 Feet and the concept of "alike" -- how large a role intuition and empathy play in it.

You feel and establish the connection in the first moment, he said in his post; part of the feel to me is permission, explicit or implied. As with all the posts that will come after this one in the series, we begin always with the bow or acknowledgment -- I bow to you who are reading this as you reciprocate by taking the time to read.

In fact, the first moment of connection in any situation is this one.

The Practice

First time readers of this blog who leave a comment receive an email welcome note from me. I craft the message to acknowledge their contribution to the conversation and them personally -- taking the time to visit someone's blog or site and learning about their topic and space is important to me. Sometimes that step develops into true email threads on a topic of interest.

I do the same in live encounters at professional associations and networking events. When approached or approaching a conversation, the exchange and introductions revolve around getting to know the other person -- preferences in communication style, language and terminology, business environments, and work.

At that point, we both have the opportunity to learn more about the other. What we do with it is up to us -- and becomes an expression of our brand. It's also a dance where both participants take turns to guide.

Let's take a moment to consider what this may mean in a business context. When a customer first signs on the dotted line -- by explicit or implied contract -- they are essentially giving you the opportunity to acknowledge them and begin a conversation. What you do with that may well mean the difference between a loyal customer and a transactional one. If it is a dance, then there needs to be a give and take in the conversation for there to be true connection.

How would you practice "the bow" to begin your interactions? What would that look like? If you have a specific question about how to connect, I'll be happy to integrate that into a post of the series.

Comments

[mvellandi]

Mine involves direct eye contact and for some people (depending on my spirits and being-in-the-momentness), a mini bow used for greeting and salutation. If I'm preparing to meet the individual, I take the time to learn about them and interests (common sense).

Unless the encounter resembles a master/student atmosphere, I find it highly important to recognize that the ground is of equal footing and height to all parties. I see Subjugation and Acquiescence as immature or inappropriate.

[Valeria Maltoni]

Mario:

Of course the bow is part of my metaphor. I find that when I predispose myself to think of the other as potential teacher I do much better on the listening scale. I still retain responsibility to filter the information.

Your description of taking the time to learn about the other and common interests is the part I was referring to.

[Anne Libby]

Valeria, I love your metaphor - and here is a coincidence (if there is such a thing): in Tibetan Buddhism, kata is a ceremonial scarf given to a lama/teacher as an offering, a gesture of respect.

My "kata" is to learn people's names, even if I think I'll only meet them once, and use them in our conversation. I always hope that this practice (and it is a practice, for me) builds connection.

Be well!

[Jason Falls]

Your illustrations about the bow and the practice are spot-on in making us all think about how we want to connect and communicate with others and how we actually practice that want. And it's the conversion process from want to practice, from expectation to experience that makes the difference in communicators and effective communicators.

Thanks for the reminder. Fascinating piece.

[Valeria Maltoni]

Anne -- I practiced the same kata with names as I meet a lot of people in the course of a week. Since sounds are more difficult for me, with English being a second language, I rely on my strong visual memory and repetition. Exchanging cards, often with a literal slight bow, is useful to me when done up front. I will glance at the card once, connect the name in my mind's eye with the person in front of me, then use it to address them.

Jason -- I like how you articulate being a writer by craft and calling in your about page at The Straight Pitch. The practice of kata in Karate-do is the deliberate use of techniques from your center. Done well, it looks very much like a dance of strength and grace where space is given to both environments -- the internal and external.

[jkh]

thanks, valeria, for your kind introduction. i enjoy that our philosophical discussion turned into such hands on advice. - the karate metaphor is intriguing and seems to work extremely well.
thanks for great post.

[Ignacio]

Probably the constant practice in my "bow" is laughter/smile. I have this energy inside of me that wants to see people smile when we first meet. So, there's always some way avaiable for me to make that happen and start breaking barriers.

Another one is a need to establish some kind of geographical connection. I always go to the "where are you from" question quickly, because our "home" is the source of most of our characteristics, beliefs, wants, you name it. Having this conversation sets us on a "ground" level and allows us to be human with each other.

And, from there, it's on to my favorite part of relationships. Finding out that dream inside of people (most like to keep it hidden) and seeing if I can be of any help to make it happen...

Ignacio

[Valeria Maltoni]

Jens -- I had been thinking about the concept for a spell, our conversation acted as a catalyst. The metaphor works on many levels as there is the meditation around the concept and the practice, which is the form and expression.

Ignacio -- a smile is a ray of light we can shine on others, a great way to welcome the encounter. In my conversation with exhibit designer Alice Dommert, we talked about how our homes are in fact exhibits of what we wish to communicate about us - http://www.conversationagent.com/2007/06/exhibit_a_domme.html
And our roots (or core) are what stabilizes us as individuals and members of the community. What a fascinating turn in the conversation, thank you!

[Karen Hegmann]

Valeria

Interesting post. I especially liked this concept - "To become a victor, one must first overcome his own self. The problem, if there is one, is the way we are inside, which robs us of our own enlightenment."

This goes along with Gandhi's infamous quote "You must be the change you wish to see in the world."

All successful communication and interaction must begin with our inner self. If we're not in sync, then it's virtually impossible to sell our ideas to others and/or operate successfully in the external world.

This is the foundation of most self-help books, and entire industries have been built on this fact.

The first "bow" of respect should be to ourselves, to remind us of the good we've already done - and the good we're about to do.

[Valeria Maltoni]

Karen:

We live in our heads and that can be a challenge -- we do take ourselves for granted more than we know. You added a nice touch to the conversation, thank you.

[Rebecca Thorman]

Great, great post. I was thinking how I could best practice the "bow" and I think for me it would be listening fully. I've been too preoccupied lately. I skim the web, my friends blogs, etc. In real life, I often look around to see what others are doing without fully listening to what the person opposite of me is saying. I've been working hard to change this so that I may show respect to the other person and make them feel special. Also, thank you/nice to meet you letters are always crucial. Great reminder, thank you.

[Valeria Maltoni]

Rebecca:

What I found helpful is that breath has a lot to do with slowing down and being present. If you focus attention on your diaphragm when you feel harried and breathe with intention, you will receive the gift of a natural break. When we pay attention, time actually slows down as well as it expands to allow us to see, hear and do more.