Connection Kata: TLC for Your Network

A network doesn't just grow on trees, although the image can help us remember how it is maintained. You are the life force that helps it stay green and strong through its cycles. Expecting that others will do it for you is a recipe for disappointment.

The title of this post says it all -- your connections need tender and loving care (TLC) to flourish. This means attention, time, and the secret fairy dust: interest. In other words, it's not about you, it's about them. Before you can have a return on involvement with any activity, you need to have involvement.

A connection is not a one time deal, it actually develops from an initial spark of interest. Imagine the life force of your connections as a positive spiral.

The Bow

At the center of that positive spiral (the roots of the tree) is the occasion that led to your coming in contact with another person. Maybe you were introduced by a common friend or acquaintance, maybe you just happened to be commenting on the same blog post. The mental bow is the personal acknowledgment of the other as a definite and distinct presence vs. an extension of us.

Let's list a few expressions of that:

1. while we talk, we remain present to the other
2. we try to figure out ways to help them
3. follow through with questions to clarify our interest

The Practice

I wrote that to go from start to success in creating a new network you must pass from quitting. What self-centric behaviors do we need to quit to be receptive to the other? I used to have a hard time remembering people's names.

Although that was the product of my being a visual learner and not getting the pronunciation of a name right in my head, to others that might have seemed like lack of interest.

I learned to ask for a business card early on so I can give myself a visual impression and associate it with the person and story. My follow through is to wait a couple of days before entering their information on my Palm along with notes of resources and people they might enjoy.

Depending on their communications preferences (when in doubt, just ask) I follow up with either a paper thank you card, an email or a phone call containing information about an event, a resource, or a person that might be of interest. On some occasions, I even sent a book. This is what I call putting 'skin in the game'.

Let the other person guide you in your choice of medium and timing. In the same breath, show interest early on and stay present to what you learned from the other in your follow up.

There are times when I will pass on an idea for a blog post to someone whose sweet spot is that topic instead of publishing about it myself. Show interest in developing connections over time and you will go from start to success.

What questions have you not asked me? How can I help you go from start to success?

Comments

[Carolyn Ann]

I think you help many get from start to success. They have to be "listening", and receptive to your efforts, but this blog is a great place to start. Developing an understanding of what you're talking about is one thing; asking questions (even silly ones, as I'm prone to) is helpful.

I've certainly found your words helpful in understanding how I should position (for wont of a better word!) some of my software projects in order to achieve success! (They're still awaiting completion and release.) We'll see if success happens, but I have a place to start.

Thank you. :-)

Carolyn Ann

[Valeria Maltoni]

Carolyn Ann:

Likewise, I have found conversations with you here and at your blog to be illuminating of many angles and considerations that have taken my thinking to the next level.

[Nicole]

I found this post to be very relevant. For the last seven years I have professionally dedicated my time to building my network (a result of being a recruiter). However I have learned that successful people (personally and professionally) are those who make an effort at building a network. I will talk more about this on my blog (http://www.nicolechardinonline.com/careerthoughts.htm) today. I am discussing how networks aren't always business tools, but communities of support that allow us to be successful in all areas of our lives.

[Valeria Maltoni]

Nicole:

A network is an outcome -- the ecosystem of all the relationships and connections built over time. To be clear, we also do some shedding as our interests and focus shift, and that is quite alright. We "walk" along with some people for a while, then others. The overall result is an organic and interrelated exchange with various levels of activity depending upon timing, attention and interests.

I will address this more in depth in a subsequent kata, building flexibility and being available and adaptable within one's network is one of the secrets to personal and professional success. The less we demand of others and the more we inspire within the voluntary give + take of the conversation, the greater the number of connections over time. Thank you for stimulating further reflection.