Revealing Yourself to Others

The long time readers of this blog, will probably have figured out by now that my weeks follow some unspoken thread - the posts seem to all be part of the same conversation.

Although it is not entirely by design, it is a natural part of the brand I call Conversation Agent, which is tightly connected with the work I do. It so happens that this post follows one about egos.

Revealing yourself to others is an important part of the process we call "building relationships," from which we build credibility, trust and loyalty.

Thus, the businesses that choose to speak in a more distinct voice, stand out. Those who come to the fore to be spokespeople for their company, become important ambassadors while they gain visibility. They become physical embodiments of what those businesses stand for - they own that brand. That makes it easier to buy into what they offer.

Social Media - Does it Help?

As more and more people begin to use social media, more information about them is revealed. But is all the information about you out there accurate? Bob Walker has an insightful column in the March 2008 issue of Fast Company. In Our Profiles, Ourselves, he gets into why marketers who use social networking sites may be pitching into the void. The payoff - thanks to the help of marketers and pundits, we have now become quite good at managing our own identities. As in not all you read reveals the real deal - more likely a public persona.

Revealing yourself takes place over time. There are many layers. That's why there are really no shortcuts to building relationships through permission and a fair exchange in value. Has mutual disclosure through memes, for example, also become a form of PR? Take a look at the definition of PR: the managing of internal and external communication of an organization to create and maintain a positive image. There is more to it than meets the eye.

How Much is Enough?

There is a point of balance to revealing enough information that is useful for people who engage with you and your business to get to know you. And not too much as to overwhelm the other or harm your own business. You know that expression: "that was too much information."

Of course, your work speaks louder than words. That is your work with and for that person. One of the reasons why comments in blog posts and feedback in social media are so important to me is that they provide an opportunity to show that you are listening and care. It's the experience of you that matters to others. Not so much all of the accomplishments you have in your past. Another good case for being in the moment.

4 x 4 Secrets About Me

Like one of my favorite professional editors and marketers, Ann Handley, I do not like to talk about me. This here is not about me per se, as much as how I see business topics and issues.

At the same time, I believe in participating in conversations around the Web - Richard at Dell tagged me with a new meme on revealing things others don't know about you. We are a creative bunch, so it makes sense that each of us would respond in our own ways. Cam Beck's the most direct and to the point I've seen so far.

Since I receive so many pitches from PR agencies, people with products, and people with advertising, I decided to use this opportunity to reveal what works well, and what doesn't work so well in pitches to me. Plus bonus bits of information on job titles I would like to have and a dash of inspiration.

4 Good Pitches

1. Even if we haven't engaged in conversations at this blog or elsewhere, you have been reading what I write about long enough to know what peaks my interest. This place is full of hints, take them.
2. The pitch is polite, short, and inquisitive. It's not a long list of what your product or service does. The first time I hear from you it's not with a press release. You've got to make the connection first.
3. It's through recommendation. Someone in my network who knows what I like to write about referred you to me.
4. The topic has possible angles that fit within a larger context my readers would want to learn about. I like to connect ideas and people in the context of marketing, communications, and social media topics. Journalists are most welcome. Trends and research bits are best.

4 Not So Good Pitches

1. My name is misspelled or not mentioned at all. It's a classic turn off, a sign we don't now each other. An indication that the attention was only partial. Sales people are masters at getting the name right. If you want to sell, take their lead. We are in the era of personalization.
   
2. It's about you and your product, and not about what my readers have come to expect of this space. Think if you were applying for a job, for example. How are you a fit in that company? Same thing here. Tailor your approach.
3. There's no follow through. This is a cardinal sin. It's an indication that you don't have a process in place. It signals you don't care. I try to answer most pitches with a response. Even when it's not a fit here, I may consider revisiting with you for some future opportunity elsewhere.
4. I answered the request you made for more information and you've disappeared. Relationships are not built on one night stands.

4 Jobs I'd Like to Have

1. Strategist - "think and do" tank.
2. Curator - ideas and trends.
3. Chief maker and storyteller.
4. Idea catalyst.

Something that would allow me to think and do, connect and contextualize. Curators are needed for the distribution of people's attention.

4 of the Best Lines I Read

1. "Perhaps all the dragons of our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us once beautiful and brave." Rainer Maria Rilke
2. "Faith is the bird that sings when the dawn is still dark." Rabindranath Tagore
3. "The truth is more important than the facts." Frank Lloyd Wright
4. "It did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us." Victor Frankl

I leave you with a thought from fiction writer Alan Judd (Legacy): "Because we think we know, we stop looking." What is revealed is in the eye and ear of the beholder, too. That's why there is so much talk about listening and paying attention.

Now let's see how Becky Carroll makes the meme rock, Matt Dickman makes it techno, David Reich makes it a public relations affair, and Joanna Young makes it into a group writing project.

[collage of Mina album covers. The most beautiful, versatile, and enduring voice of Italy. One of the best examples of marketing I've seen - the voice, in both writing and interpreting.]

Comments

[Matt Dickman]

Thank you for tagging me Valeria and I love your list of fours, especially the job titles! I'll get to work on mine this afternoon.

[Joanna Young]

Valeria, this is such a great piece, with so many levels and strands (yes, of course, like a great conversation).

So was it the great analysis of ways that we can manage the boundaries...

... or the things you reveal about yourself...

... or the tag, thankyou :-)

... or was it just that line from Rilke, which shot right through me?

Fabulous stuff.

Joanna

[Gavin Heaton]

Rilke? One of my faves too!

[Austin]

Thanks for this awesome post Valeria! You have illuminated the strategies and tactics for becoming part of the conversation in one post... I shall study them.

[Cam Beck]

Alas, I have to give credit to Marianne Richmond and Peter Kim for the format - but I love where you've taken it. :)

[Don Lafferty]

Valeria,

It bears mentioning that there exist underlying virtues without which a person will find the communal dynamics you describe difficult, if not impossible; like trying to understand an unfamiliar language.

Patience, humility, diligence, charity and kindness.

In a world where people want everything to happen faster and faster, and the accumulation of wealth has often become the quickest way to judge relevance, these virtues have become more lip service than lifestyle.

The behaviors associated with people whose personal journey includes these virtues, and the deep emotional response we have to being treated with such care and respect by them builds trust and eventually, loyalty.

Even in a social media setting, these virtues shine through the many behaviors and digital signposts you point out – or they don’t, which is equally self evident, and you can feel your own emotional reaction to such shallow treatment.

Yet again, real world community metrics, emotions and judgments apply to social media’s corollaries; it can just happen in the click of a mouse now.

[Valeria Maltoni]

@Matt -- I can;t wait to read your techno version. It sounds cool just thinking about it. Or maybe we will listen to it? See it?

@Joanna -- In reading what you are working on, I could not resist. The group writing project seemed a perfect extension of the meme. In my mind, conversation takes the concept forward, advances our learning and prepares new creation.

@Gavin -- Wow. Rilke is my all time favorite poet, hands-down.

[Valeria Maltoni]

@Austin -- thank you, that is very kind of you. I just read your post http://tinyurl.com/2kcndl . It's quite moving because I, too, have experienced the contractions of the marketplace. It is a living organism, isn't it? I'm also liking where you took the definition of 'meme' to.

@Cam -- not for the content, though. That is you!

@Don -- your comment is a post in and of itself. Thank you for offering it. This space, so public, is an opportunity. What we make of it depends on us. Intent and attitude still manifest themselves in the background, they still color perceptions and inform actions. Images and words are coming faster, yet they are even more permanent - digitally.

[Warren Whitlock]

Can I reveal something about myself?

I'd rather not be approached by someone that has a goal of telling me about something.. but I love having people approach me and offer to listen to me rant.

Even better if they have something I want.

"Seek first to understand.. then be understood" Stephen Covey

Just found the blog.. LOVING IT.. I'm sure I'll be back soon

[David Reich]

Your tips for good and bad pitches are exactly what p.r. people should do when pitching mainstream media. Unfortunately, there are too many p.r. people who don't know how to pitch mainstream media, so why would they get it right when pitching bloggers?

As far as talking about myself, my blog is a professional vehicle, so I try to stick to issues I cover. I do sometimes get into personal things, since the blogosphere is a friendly, collegial conversation. But I try not to overdo it.

I never fill in the personal info on profile pages of spaces like Facebook, MySpace, etc. I think it's an invitation to get hit with pitches and spam. And why would someone care what movie I like, or what my favorite color is? I save that info for personal conversations with people I know.

[Becky Carroll]

Valeria, thank you for sharing your ideas, be they personal or business-related, as I always learn so much from you. You are one of the bloggers that always makes me reflect on something new. :)

Thank you also for the tag. I was previously tagged by Peter Kim, but there is always more to share! The last time was personal - I think I will make it business focused this time.

Rock on!

[Valeria Maltoni]

@Warren -- how do you manage to have people approach you and ask you to rant? I sense the entrepreneurial spirit at work.

@David -- that's why my approach with the tag is the business angle. We reveal a lot of ourselves to those who read, and listen. they just need to do the extra work and pay attention. Glad the timing of my post and your blogiversary coincided.

@Becky -- you are very kind. It is quite fun to take ordinary concepts and make them come alive in business. We are people and we do market to people after all. I'll be looking for your ideas!

[RichardatDELL]

Hi Valeria

Thank you!!!! And that follow through...with the poetic. Nicely woven together, as I suspected would be the case. And the jobs youd like to have are awesome!!!

[Steve Woodruff]

Valeria - loved your job description, as it sounds like EXACTLY how I would outline my ideal role. Interestingly enough, in this age of technology and information, we can increasingly create these jobs/roles ourselves, not wait for others to make them for us.
Looking forward to FINALLY meeting you at the Blogger Social in April!

[Valeria Maltoni]

@RichardatDELL -- I think we can start having those jobs right now. No reason to wait for someone to figure it out, yes? I was glad to be introducing your personal blog and story here. One more proof point that there are many layers to people.

@Steve -- you and I met many months ago (seems like years, which is great) thanks to your company name and description. I am with you 100%. That's what happened with Conversation Agent. I started using it and I now have copy cats. Yet, the secret sauce in this case is the sauce itself - me : ) Likewise, Blogger Social is my numero uno appointment this year.

[David MacGregor]

I read somewhere about the rival English politicians Disreali and Gladstone. Each at one time or another was the Prime Minister - on more than one occasion.

Your post reminded me of this:

If you were invited to dinner at the home of Gladstone you would leave thinking you had been in the company of the most intelligent of men.

If you ate with the Disrealis you would leave thinking *you* were the most interesting person on the face of the Earth.

Great post. Tremendous blog. Always grateful for your insights.