There's a Randy Pausch in Each Person

This past week, Randy Pausch, professor at Carnegie Mellon University and author of The Last Lecture [video is 76:00 minutes], died of pancreatic cancer. He was 47. [Jeremiah Owyang]

In reading the comments to posts like Jeremiah's I often see one or two that say something to the effect: "we need more people like him." This is the same thought I've had on the rare occasions when a mentor or an individual went above and beyond the inspiration meter in my life.

It would be easy to let ourselves off the hook on this one. Pausch was a smart, articulate, and cultured human being who dealt with his circumstances the best way he knew how. Who can claim all the same conditions? Why does anyone need to in order to make a difference?

How many opportunities do we miss every day to do the connective thing? Why do we often choose to focus on what's different instead of what is common? What can we do to start behaving like we mean to be inspiring, helpful, constructive? Maybe part of the answer is to become that way. I suspect that in most cases, we are distracted and off balance when the world bounces off us.

The economic model has moved to a conversation where every interaction counts. If I could design like David, I would express some of his charts as waves, others as evolving circles with downward and upward curves. We are not ever exactly in the same place - not companies, not people, not markets.

Interactions mattered to humans before. Yet today, it is the sum total of experiences people have of you as well as those you have of companies and people that drives behavior. That is at the heart of brands - where they become lovemarks. Today brands are not only trying to create an experience, but also working on closing the loop on the experience people have. The two could be different. They often are.

Economy also comes into play when we think about transactions. Our customers are not seeking interactions with us every time they buy. We do not seek interaction with everyone we meet. There is a cultural undertone to this discussion, too. I remember when I first came to the US, I thought it strange that everyone would greet you with expressions like "how are you doing?" or "how is it going?" and then not wait for the answer.

In fact, on many an occasion I learned that the person asking was using the phrase as an expression, not as a true inquiry. They really did not want to know! Think about the answers we offer, though. In the US, we generally say "good," or "well." In Europe - Italy and France specifically - we'd say "not bad." Of course, the response is situational and depends on whether you know the person or not.

Back to Pausch. His lecture linked above is about helping others achieve their childhood dreams and achieving your own dreams. I achieved my first dream twenty years ago. Since the age of six, I wanted to live and work in the US. The other big dream of mine will probably take a whole life to realize. What will get me closer to that one will be how I deal with the learnings from working to achieve other dreams. Not all dreams come true.

What dreams do you have? As Pausch said, remember that brick walls are there to train and demonstrate your resolve, not to keep you out. Some brick walls are made of flesh. If you're going to do anything pioneering, you will get arrows in the back. This is very similar to what I remind myself - you know you're onto something when you encounter opposition.

When you hold something dear, give it to someone better than you to take it forward. If you watched the video, you know to pay attention to the head fakes, they matter to the conversation.

Comments

[Marc Meyer]

Valeria, for what it has been worth, I knew about Randy before he even became "famous". He was always challenging people, and I have some friends who were students of his, and they always said they had "the greatest teacher because he made them work, he made them think and he did not settle for average."

With that being said, since he passed, I've actually been more attuned to others not only because of him but because of something David mentioned in regards to making every moment a micro-interaction, or looking at each moment as the potential to be a better micro-interaction then it is. Per your comment, when someone asks you how you are, why not tell them the truth? or when someone answers in a monotone way about how they are, ask them, "are you really?"
Better yet, in each of yours and ours micro-interactions look how easy it is to change the game, and look how easy it is to change it in a way that the result is truly a positive one.
Randy Pausch made the most of a completely shitty situation, in fact not only did he make the most of it, he affected more lives in his last months than if he would have just accepted his fate and moved on privately.
Instead he made it public, personal, and most of all he made it a part of us, we lived with him those last months and though we all knew what was coming, we all wanted nothing more than to hear that he was onto something and he had more time. As I've said before, it really really sucks when good people are taken from this earth before their time. I know there are reasons, but for the life of me, I can't seem to think of one right now. I know in time I will. Randy turned macro-interactions on an enterprise level in to very personal micro-interactions for all of us.

Marc

[David Armano]

Great piece Valeria. Realy like your thoughts around this.

Marc, you really got where I was taking my thoughts on "micro-interactions". You nailed it actually.

Randy did really give us a gift. And it's a reminder that you don't have to be perfect to give.

[Valeria Maltoni]

@Marc - letting people in is a tricky proposition. There are points where the truth is inconvenient, too. Two elements come to mind as I ponder what you write here. (1) Taking risks is easier when we think we have nothing to lose. Change is hard, even when we want it. (2) We are paralyzed by too many choices. When the choice is made for us, we are generally really good at rising to the occasion. I'll give you a perfect example from my own life. I met David finally this past April in NYC and I could not find the time/opportunity/courage to tell him how truly inspiring and awesome his work is to me face to face. There never seemed to be a right moment or setting for it. Everyone was busy being a social butterfly. The point is every moment could have been the right one, when taken, for a micro interaction. It really sucked missing the chance ;-)

@David - well, there you go. I love your work and find it easy to build on the ideas and narrative. Next time, if there is one, I'll be me.

[Marc Meyer]

@Valeria. Amazing how prescient your comments are. We wrestle with perceived outcomes because of our inability to step back and see something for what it really is, or what it really might be. Timing, opportunity and courage Valeria could be bottled into a book on how to succeed in business and or in life. Unfortunately, we all seem to go by what our friends and colleagues do and say. It is, to some degree, our roadmap for life. Our interactions with our peers determine a lot. What we need to realize is that there is sooo much more to being who we are if we lower our guard. I know it sounds easier. But I'm trying. To the extent I find it now dominating my thoughts since last Friday.

@David Thank you for your kind words. I really really believe that for what it's worth that I'm going through one of those seminal, epiphany like moments in my life, where somehow some way, I now get it. Yes it's about me, but more importantly it's about me in relation to my impact on others. But it doesn't work if I don't consciously realize that I can make a difference by doing very small impactful things. A few words, an action, a smile, the written word, a note, etc etc,,. All very non labor conducive, but very weighty in their effect and reach. I think for most, they spend their whole lives not realizing the impact that they can have on others. And for others, they never realize or know the effect that their actions had on others until it's too late if at all.

[Peter]

Hi all,

"I think for most, they spend their whole lives not realizing the impact that they can have on others. And for others, they never realize or know the effect that their actions had on others until it's too late if at all."

Thanks Marc.

To me, we become what we are by that which we are least aware.

For all our ability as sentient beings, we are largely blind to the cause and effect of what we are and what we seek to become - we cannot see our being in the world.

It's everything we are in every moment - It's our intent as human - our warmth/love/compassion, how we say things, our relationship with time, our impulsiveness, our generosity, the way we physically interact with others, our frustration with our own humanity, our relationship with death and all that we don't know about being human (and which generations to come will no doubt reveal).

All this being/intent changes the world in orders of causation that are beyond comprehension - whether we know or not we change the world each moment - though it takes faith in character to trust the unknowable outcome.

Unfortunately (wrong word) because it's really difficult to see our own being we tend to focus on what the mind intends which it can measure (and satisfy itself that it's not wasting time).

We tend to undervalue our being because it doesn't seem to do anything productive - but of course its there - beavering away at what one day will be the direction of your life (and maybe the direction of many lives).

In my view, death and reflections on it break us from our servitude to the mind (what we intend), time* and measurement. It breaks the illusion and reveals the "eternal concrete" that is our being.

Just gathering thoughts publicly

* Marc - I'm fascinated by the concept of micro-interactions ? And will think about this

[Alli Will]

Brilliance is a gift but what makes it special is relating to an audience and those we love. Randy wasn't always the person he became – he evolved over time. I've known a few brilliant ones who were emotionally stunted. As a Trainer of issues on Diversity for the last 2 decades, my goal has been for people to recognize what we all have in common and to remain open to different views and learning styles. I remember telling my parents – at the tender age of 20 after taking a philosophy class in college, that one day the world would all be mixed – as in race – that everyone is human and it didn't matter who I might fall in love with (I was raised Jewish so naturally my parents wanted me to carry on with someone of the same faith). Randy was introspective and inspirational - while I have not watched his video yet, I saw him on ABC with Diane Sawyer tonight. It appears his soul was at peace and his family/friends will carry forth the message he shared with us all – follow your dreams. We are all fortunate to have witnessed his courage, honesty and vulnerability. As you said previously – it is all about "how we show up as human beings."

[Valeria Maltoni]

@Marc - there is indeed a lot more to our interactions with peers than meets the eye. Often we invest in something as we think it should be... I like what Peter contributed to your thoughts as well.

@Peter - being impulsive and generous has shaped me more than any carefully crafted thought about myself. And so has also my frustration with my own humanity ;-)

@Alli - thank you, relating is how we get to connecting. I read extensively on emotional intelligence and the work of Daniel Goleman and others. I admire people who have presence and poise. My thought on vulnerability is that it is probably one of the most difficult things to show. Thank you for adding to the conversation.

[Marc Meyer]

@Peter and Valeria-But truly the person who realizes the effect they can have on others (in a positive way) and realizes the cause and effect of who they are and what they can impact on others is a special person. I know that that was not Randy's intent starting out, but it evolved into that.

Being in the moment and removing the bullshit from years and years of societal mores to connect with people is an amazing thing and some of us have that talent, moreso than others.

However, I loathe the people that purposely leverage their either learned or innate ability to get to the crux of a situation, manipulate people and situations and parlay it into a business model. I applaud their talent but I liken it to a bad guy from the movies who has taken their prodigous and freakish talent and used it for evil purposes.

My point is that I think that we as in those participating in this conversation, realize the importance of one on one interactions and conversations with weight and substance, and how we can affect things. I also think we all understand how little things can have quite an impact. Others do not.
But...I think we all are starting to value our conversations and the power and impact of our words more than we ever have. At least I have. The trick is to sustain it. The more we can weave it-being a more socially cognizent and moral person, the better off we are and the more of an influence we will have on others.

[Peter]

Dear Marc,

I've been reflecting on what makes something a micro interaction.

Reflecting on my experience, there are only interactions. Micro and macro go to how aware I am, how much I take notice of myself in that interaction or how present I was.

For me the special person is the one who just does this and may not be aware of the good they do. It's there being (and there is nothing to sustain).

Needing to be aware of the good you do/can do in the moment and finding energy to sustain it spks to something else. And reminds me of Pascal's cautionary tale about wandering about in times that do not belong to you. Sure if helps you to be a good person thats great - but to me (and there is no disrespect intended) it's as the Buddhists say "Fake it till you make it."

For me, it's noticing the differences between what I do and what I think and working out what it takes to line it up - That's my being.

But of course there are many paths to living a good life and being a good person.

A pleasure to chat.

Peter