Do You Ever Feel Like Giving up?

I have, I still do.

If you've read that marvelous treasure that is the Time Traveler's Wife, you will know how it feels, how I feel on some level - to be swept back and forth between moments in life, moving across continents to grab for your dreams; to experience cultural differences, loss and what it means to be human. 

It wasn't an easy choice.

There are times when I feel like a fish out of water. When it would be so much easier to acquiesce quietly, to pretend I didn't see, or listen, or notice. At those times it's so tempting to just give up, to fit in, to stop making waves... especially when I encounter such fierce opposition as I have.

Do you ever have those moments?

When the critics come out of the woodwork to spend considerable energy shooting you down when they could be doing so much more by rolling up their own sleeves. You know what that means? It means you're doing something worthy of attention. 

Don't let them rob you of your joy.

In fact, those are the times when you should be flattered by the challenge. You're a worthy player. And it is your sense of self-worth that should prevail. If it's true that life is cruel, that you get more of what you already have, it's also true that it's up to you to attract what you want into your life. 

It was Rilke who wrote "Perhaps all the dragons of our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us once beautiful and brave." It is in those moments when you feel most vulnerable that opening up and facing your fears and insecurities will break the spell that was upon you.

You will reveal it for what it was - just an illusion.

That's when you can shift into what if? mode. You don't need to block, all you need to do is to embrace:

• who you are
• what you feel
• where you go

You know why?

Because if it weren't for you, we would not have your creative energy, your smile, your beauty manifested. That's why. And the world would not be the same - without you. [special thanks to Chris Guillebeau]

This is how I keep my head up high. How do you find your "what if" moment?

[image by Michele Catania]

Comments

[Geoff Livingston]

Some days I really want to quit. I do. Sometimes it makes sense to quit because you can't win, and then I really do. Knowing when to quit and when to see things through to the end in the face of challenges is a great, and very personal art.

[Liz S]

Thank you. I woke this morning with a huge desire to quit, to fade into the woodwork, to just let things be. Your post reinforced that I need to embrace the me and let the you just be.

[jon burg]

You are who you spend your life becoming. If one isn't happy with who they are becoming, it's time to step off the train, take a couple days off and figure out where you want to go.

Despite the popular pressure and human drive to advance, forward is not a place, it is a direction.

The question "What if" scares us to our core, because we all believe we have untapped potential. It's a great driver, but I don't know that we can live in fear of underachieving. I'd rather be inspired to become rather than challenged by what could be.

We all have our critics, our fears, negative forces in our lives. We all have doubt. And as a young, fairly fresh face in this business, it's not any easier than it is for a seasoned veteran. We are all building on theory, as most of this is still unproven. But the beauty of this dynamic is that we all have each other. There is a natural warmth to the social marketing community that inspires, supports and is ever present when you need them. This is beauty of social connectivity. We're all human.

Great post! Thanks for sharing, what a way to start the day!

[Laura Bergells]

Wow. What the?

Give up? Give up what?

Color me clueless.

[Rick Simmons]

It is not about giving up - to me your post is about just the opposite - trying harder just remembering to take a break once in awhile. You never cease to amaze me with your varied posts - thanks again.

[KatFrench]

Sometimes the resistance we meet with comes from without, and sometimes it comes from within. Perhaps I'm just contrary, but most of the time, resistance and opposition from without torque me off and actually boost my energy for staying the course. It's the resistance and opposition from within that most often tempts me to quit.

Lately I'm learning the difference between quitting and resting. And when to know that break time is over.

A lovely, thoughtful and well-timed post.

[Lindsay]

Beautiful....and timely. The urge to give up is spreading as the stress mounts. Thank you for your thoughtful post! It is much appreciated.

[Christa M. Miller]

Wow. I've been feeling this way for the last week. Opportunities which once seemed strong kept falling through the cracks, and I wondered if I was really on the right path after all.

To find my "what if" moment, quite honestly, I pray. Whether there is a higher power that answers, or whether letting go of my stress allows my mind to relax and open, achieves the same end: perspective. And then I find opportunities happen again, whether new or forgotten.

By the way, I closed with one new client yesterday and am close to it with a second -- both on the "path" I was uncertain about last week -- so my confidence has returned. I just needed to be patient.

[Claudia]

Dear Valeria,

Once again, you're so beautiful!
And you're right: "Don't let them rob you of your joy."
Thank you for " your creative energy, your smile, the beauty manifested."

[Brian DR1665]

The urge to give up?

You mean like when you spend a year getting that dead lump of a Mitsubishi you bought running like a champ, only to have the engine blow up on you and leave you stranded in 100* Phoenix rush hour heat?

You mean like trading, bartering and borrowing to fund the engine rebuild that would get that Mitsubishi running again, paying your entry fee for rally school, only to have someone make a left turn in front of you the week before and end up totalling the car?

When you get to the point where you look at the decisions you've made, the paths you've taken, and that bastard, hindsight, kicks in to clearly point out how you could have already bought a pre-built rally car and raced it for the amount of money you've spent buying that dead, perpetually being repaired Mitsubishi, that's when the urge to quit starts boiling up.

Sometimes it's just steam, but you have to let it vent. Some people pause here and there to vent a little at a time and keep it as steam. Others, however, will press on until it's a rolling boil before they have to step out of the kitchen for a spell.

I think everyone grows frustrated from time to time and there is no shortage of people out there ready to tell you it's okay to give up, that you can play the victim and skirt responsibility for your actions, but it's like Confucius said, "It does not matter how slow you go, so long as you do not stop."

[Bruce Christensen]

When I was young the "what if" revolved around MY future.
When newly married, it changed to what it might be for two.
When children arrived, the two minds shifted to the what if for many.
By the time that grandchildren come the what ifs are so broad that you don't have much time to think of giving up.

If we forget ourselves in the service of others, we will never be robbed of our joy.

We should be inspired by the potential of so many great what ifs that we do everything in our power to remain creative and to smile at every opportunity.

[Lauren Vargas]

You know I have had those moments. And you have been the inspiration many a time when I have had to lift self out of the pit of despair. Why? because you are nothing other than you. You do not put on facades. You speak honestly in a world of actors. You do not shout into a megaphone. This is priceless...and hunted.

"Let not thy will roar, when thy power can but whisper." -Dr. Tomas Fuller

Embrace your innocence. Times like these, I have to think like my five year old daughter. Release control.

[djysrv]

I remain entralled by the end to the 'Time Travelers Wife" in which he visits her as a younger person after he has died in real life. That's what I call 'not giving up.'

[CASUDI]

Since I am often trying things off the grid, I have to have extra patience and persistence and not 'give up'. I have to continuously evaluate, 'am I putting in too much effort for what appears no results yet?' or 'should I cut my losses now and move onto something else?' So often when I am at the point of making the decision to deviate from a particular focus, I am successful.
Learning to know when to cut losses and when to give that extra effort is key. Great post as always.

[Diego]

Beautiful article Valeria, real and sincere, and because of that, really powerful. Thank you!

[siobhan bulfin]

Great post Valeria and wonderful links. Thank you :)

[Karen Hegmann]

Valeria

I think we've all felt (and still feel) like a fish out of water at times. Just look at the popularity of this post....what frustrates me the most is the perception people sometimes have of independents. Somehow, people get the idea that working on your own means hanging out at Starbucks all day contemplating the universe.

I think the only thing we can do if we feel frustrated is to stop...and try something else for a while. Guess I still believe that in the end, things happen for a reason. I also don't always agree that the journey is better than the destination. I often wish that things would happen more quickly in my life in terms of material things and lifestyle..so right now I would accept that destination gladly!

Keep your chin up. You're one of a kind and you're not alone. When I get down and feel like that critter in the whack a mole game, this quote by Calvin Coolidge always pulls me through...

“Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan “press on” has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.”

[David Armano]

Valeria, we all feel like this at times. Few of us talk about it, but we've all been there, or are there, or will be there. It's part of life like anything else.

Thanks for showing your humanity and reminding us of our own.

[Toni Rae Brotons]

Great post--Makes me want to read Rilke!

[Beth Harte]

'There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.' -Oscar Wilde

This has been my mantra for about 22 years. Oddly enough, it helps to push me forward and keeps me grounded at the same time.

Valeria, this is such a timely and wonderful post -- thank you! I want to give up everyday (don't we all?!). Hard work is, well...hard. And often times it's not rewarding in the ways we think it should be but then strangely rewarding in ways we don't expect and that's what makes it worth it.

There are days that I seriously consider walking away from marketing, but then I stop and realize I would be nothing if not for marketing. It's a major part of who I am and I am not willing to give it up for anyone because they are, quite simply, not deserving.

It sounds silly to say that a "job" makes up who we are...but I think for some of us, it indeed is more than just a job. And for that reason alone, we shouldn't give up.

Again, thank you Valeria for restoring balance when we need it most.

[Alex Grech]

Yes, you can see how this has struck a chord with so many people. It's timely, and rings true. We've all gone through that 'dip' moment. Or dip year. Anyone trying to do something remarkable, outside one's 'comfort zone' has to regularly face the violent, nagging urge to give up.

I get the feeling that your post has helped in ways that you may not have imagined when you wrote it.

[Valeria Maltoni]

You all rock. Thank you so much for joining this conversation and for adding your much needed voice to what may of you indicated as a timely topic.

[olivier blanchard]

It's amazing how much power mean, vicious, cowardly people can have over you.

I won't shower you with cliches. You've already heard them all... But I'll just say this: Assholes are everywhere. They aren't going away. It doesn't get any easier. The smarter you are, the more people resent you. The more passionate you are, the more people ridicule you. The more valuable you are, the more people try to make you feel like you are worthless.

My good friend Nicole Johnson (@effigyfarms on Twitter) has a simple response anytime one of them pops up on her radar, and it's this:

"Go f**k yourself." And surprisingly, it works really well. ;)

I know I'm just one lonely voice in the weeds out here, but I think you rock. Heck, I KNOW you rock. And I am not wrong.

So hold your head high and never doubt that you are every bit as smart, talented, important and valuable as you think you are. And if anyone messes with you from now on, send them my way. I'll have a word with them. ;)

[Peter]

To your question -

I suspect my life ebbs between expectation,desire and ambition and giving up.

By giving up I embrace (as you say) the consequences of my being as both old and new friend and together we explore the day in wonder.

This does not seem to last. Eventually wonder( and the need to pay ills) gives way to ambition and once again I make myself busy grasping at my future.

But hopefully ( and I look forward to it) I'll give up in time to once again see the wonder of all my wondering and grasping and catch up with old friends for while.

From order to giving up and disorder and back again.

I don't know if there is a "what if" - but, by giving up, I get a glimpse of the beauty "that is".

Always a pleasure.