How to Write an Email that Stands Out

Especially in a crowded inbox.

A couple of weeks ago, I gave a presentation about using social media for career management and development to a group of professionals who took the time to come out and connect on a Saturday morning.

We had really good participation and many asked questions throughout the presentation, which makes it interesting and engaging for everyone in the room. A true conversation.

Several attendees followed ups to have more conversations and with LinkedIn invitations, which I usually accept only after a face to face conversation.

Right after the presentation, one person provided such wonderful feedback  that I almost wished I was still logged on to ask her if she'd be willing to share it on LinkedIn for everyone to see - feedback is welcome at any time.

And that is why this note I received a few days later really made me stop and read carefully. Notice how much care and interest the author took in writing it so that it would not come across as promotional or self serving in any way.  Yet it carries the message across even by making it about the presentation and the morning and not the writer.

Memorable? You bet. [republished with permission]

Subject: Thank you for the dynamic presentation on Saturday, 6/13 @ Villanova

Thank you for a most engaging presentation this past Saturday. It was my inaugural event with the group, and a great introduction. I'm sure you can appreciate my lack of desire to dress up and travel over 30 miles on a Saturday - perhaps you felt the same. I'm glad I made the effort.

In typical business format, this e-mail would have encompassed just two short paragraphs. However, since you admitted that you write long blogs, and your style is conversational – yes, I found your web site, read some postings and subscribed to the blog – I feel confident that my ramblings are appropriate. Please read on.

While I listened intently during your presentation, I also absorbed a lot of external elements surrounding the brand of you. Allow me to qualify this statement. I’ve spent the bulk of my career in retail, and training and development, and over the years I’ve honed my ability to look at the details to understand the brand. If I visit a retail establishment, I watch what is happening and what isn’t; if I attend a training session or meeting, I sit near the back and observe what people do and when they do it. Interestingly, at Saturday’s presentation, I was 2 rows from the back.

With that said, here are three observations about the brand of you that I jotted down, along with my comments:

• No nonsense, with a smile – you provide information with a grain of salt, and expect that people will adapt it to their own process. In my Mother’s terms, ‘get over it, and if you can’t, go under!”
• Humorous PowerPoint – you don’t take yourself too seriously. Interestingly, this is a great way to put people at ease.
• Extensive speaking – you used the PowerPoint slides as a framework and provided a lot of content behind each slide. AKA, you didn’t read the slides- a presentation nightmare!

I fancy myself a bit of a writer, and have, over the past few months, turned that skill to crafting resumes and cover letters for peers. I share this because I agonized over the crafting of this e-mail to you, the Conversation Agent. I am certain that perfection is a self-imposed internal madness. Fortunately, I’ve adjusted well to it…and made it to the end of this note.

Thanks again for an inspiring presentation. I really do appreciate your message and delivery. The session was one of my best Saturday mornings to date.

Brian P. Corcoran

The mentions about his career and experience are contextual to the intent of the email, which was to provide feedback to me. I was sold. This is how you write a marketing communications piece, a pitch letter, any outreach communication that will make an impression.

It wasn't so much the words that were contained in the note - as beautifully flowing as it is. I did admire the syntax and brevity. What I remembered most though was how I felt about it. Because he provided context with the story.

He started with the payoff - this is good news. Framed his state of mind with a very brief history of his conflict - a Saturday, new to the group, did not know what to expect - to resolution. He's done his homework and is matching the style to mine as observed so far. Then the longer description that sets the stage for providing the feedback. Not taking himself too seriously, either he wraps where he started.

Here are some things to think about when you write an email to connect:

• do you have a goal? I'm asking this because sometimes the email I get is just a bland pitch, and there is no clear call to action.
• what do you want the recipient to do? That would be the call to action.
• how are you going to relate to them? This is the part where people read the blog or learn about the other not just so that they can propose appropriate content, although that works well, but so they can also get the tone right. Relating is key to get to the next one.
• how will your email make them feel? This moves you from just another unknown entity in an inbox to a person who's paid attention. This is not the touchy feeling part, it's the value part, the meaning part.
• where are you going to fit in? Notice how he weaved in his experience as a proof point or qualifier for his remarks.

I believe him when he writes he agonized over writing the email.

I write a lot every day - for the Web, emails, letters, blog posts, articles - and getting the tone right is what makes a piece of communication connect with its intended audience. Tone is as important as content. How you say something is as if not more important than what you say - as a speaker and writer.

What would you have done to connect with a speaker you learned from? Have you written an email that hit the sweet spot in connecting you to someone? What can you teach us about your success? Have you been on the receiving end of a well crafted and relevant email? What made you read on and reply?

___________

Related posts:

How to Write a Business Recommendation

Business Uses for LinkedIn

Comments

[Eric Friedman]

I think this is a great approach but sometimes being concise can be appreciated. I think its tough to craft a "cold" email, but I have found adding value (as this person did) is helpful to you and your future presentations.

I think that a strong part of this is that there is no action item for you, but thats perfectly fine. If he reaches out in the future you would at least be open.

Its clear that not every email can result in a dialogue but it should leave the door open.

[Lara McCulloch (ready2spark)]

I think one very important point that Brian touched on in his email is: understanding your audience's communication style. You mentioned this briefly in bullet #3.

Brian had a significant advantage in that he had the chance to observe you in action. As a result, he was able to garner that your communication style is conversational. His approach to connect with you was verbose and a bit like telling a story. For some, they may have stopped reading the email somewhere between the first line and the end of the first paragraph. But for you, it connected. And that equals a win.

If Brian had never had an opportunity to see you speak or to read your blog, the likelihood that he would understand your communication style would be slim to none. In such a case, you have to hinge your communication on what you understand / think your target's drivers will be and, in my opinion, keep the communication concise.

Curious to know your thoughts on this. Specifically - 'how to write an email that stands out when you don't know the person's communication style'.

Thanks for your thoughts.

[Valeria Maltoni]

@Eric - good pick up on the "no action" part. The best at networking and selling are like that - they develop a relationship continuously and leave the door open.

@Lara - communication style and preference, too. Had he tried to call me, he would have gotten nowhere, but he didn't know that from my presentation because I never mentioned it. You make a great point in classifying the blog with in person presentation, too. Why do so many PR agencies then strike out when they pitch bloggers? It could be because they have a cookie cutter approach. When you don't know the communication style, you research it. That's why networking and experience are so important in helping make connections. The other option is to be totally honest and ask directly for what you're looking for in your own voice and style. What gets you in trouble is the pretend part more often than not.

[Denis]

Sometimes I managed to hit the sweet spot... probably because I really wanted to connect, and not just trying to increase my numer of connections in linkedin of whatever. And when I really want to connect I know that the receiver ask himself three questions: a) who is this? b) what does he want? c) is he wasting my time? I know that failing those questions will put my email on the bin.

On the other side, sometimes people manage to hit my bitter spot... did you never get an email that seems came out straight from a template? or with all the >> from the forward button too? that 's not the way to stand out I think :)

[Diego]

Great article Valeria, it's helpful to see it explained so clearly. Thanks.

[Jon Buscall]

Oh, this was very interesting. I teach a course on how to use email for business purposes and often clients have problems with this kind of mail because it's so long.

I think the important thing to note here is that he starts the conversation with you by using the subject line as a conversation starter: "Thank you for..:" In other words from the moment you read the subject line he's engaged you. Moreover, I really like the "Thank you for the dynamic..."

He's caught your attention and ego (justifiably, of course) so chances are you're going to be open to listening to what he has to say. Direct marketers use this technique but it is often too pushy. Here, it was on the money.

Thanks for sharing such an interesting case study.

[yvette]

there is absolutely an art to crafting notes like this one. i have one friend that lives in australia - we may not have any contact for up to a year, but then i'll receive an email from him that manages to be eloquent and poetic, funny and snarky, clever and informative - all at once. thanks for sharing this; it provides such inspiration for my own writing.

[Valeria Maltoni]

@Denis - bingo, you really wanted to connect. Intent comes across even if you weren't working so hard, pure intent generally gets attention. You won't believe the kinds of emails I get. I must be on someone's heavy spam list :)

@Diego - glad you enjoyed.

@Jon - length never scared me. What scares me is lack of consideration and thought and those show right away. So perhaps keep the form email short and make the custom or special email what it ends up being to transmit passion and a desire to connect. Note how he also paused and referenced his qualifications before he got to the detailed feedback. Re: direct marketing emails I think they're hideous and I skip them altogether. They're talking "at" me and gimmicky.

@Yvette - glad you enjoyed. Sounds like your friend is quite the writer!

[Denis]

@Valeria, expect a mail-pitch from me at some point then! :D