A Story, not *the* Story

You know how it is, the context in which you operate influences how you act, or more precisely re-enact stories. So, for example, if you're working in a very process-driven environment, you learn to put process above all else - including the creativity necessary to connect your customers and help them tell their story. 

The best kind of connection is of course the unplanned kind.

I was reminded of this when on the telephone with a customer late Friday evening. Everyone had left the office by then; it's the best time to reflect on the week and most importantly open up to new ideas for the coming week. Of all the things we could have talked about, including how satisfied he is with our service, we ended up talking about Italian food.

That's how we learned more about each other, where my family lives, where his came from, how we both learned a new language, and so on. All the way to delicious recipes that by that late time had me look forward to a nice, warm dinner. In that moment, I had one further confirmation that I was sharing in our customer's story.

Which got me thinking about organizational work and its predilection for structured events, rules and regulations. Auren Hoffman says that you should monitor people who like to create rules for others. I rather like that thought, in a biased kind of way.

I break the rules, always have. Not for the sake of it or to spite anyone. I do it because I intend to create value for the ecosystem, and there is a certain organic and meaningful quality to human interaction. The interaction is what makes a story interesting, not the specific parts of "the" story, your story. I learned more about that customer by not planning the conversation or jumping to what's in it for us, than I would have by doing it.

Why is this important?

As organizations hope to add online media to their activities, they tend to apply the same rules and processes they have implemented everywhere else to them. You see it already, from billboards to banners - me, me, me. Using the customer's story as a proof of the importance of "the", its story, not of the customer's.

Organizations need people who can be human, add some color back in the conversation, starting with listening to and playing back a story in the way it was shared.

Online it's easier to see rigid rules fail. Online it's easier to see that the organization and many of the people in them live in a tiny echo chamber of their own making. Online, it's easier to see that you are a story, not "the" story.

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[image of GigaTweet, tweets in real time]

© 2006-2009 Valeria Maltoni. All rights reserved.

Comments

[KatFrench]

I break the rules, always have. Not for the sake of it or to spite anyone. I do it because I intend to create value for the ecosystem, and there is a certain organic and meaningful quality to human interaction.

In other words, you're a "chaotic good" character. ;-)

I've been wrestling a bit myself lately with the idea that to be a truly transformative agent in a decaying system, you have to break a few metaphorical eggs. You have to be comfortable with other people's discomfort. Which is a hard thing, I think.

At any rate, excellent insight as usual. We tend to get lost in the mythological significance of our "The" story and miss the meaningful Canterbury tales of the customer.

[Christa M. Miller]

Valeria, I love this. Everyone tells me I'm a good writer, and the #1 thing my sources say is "Thanks for making me look good," but the secret sauce for me IS allowing them to tell their stories. I do have a plan -- a list of questions -- but more for reference. Often the interview flows organically, and that dynamic material is where the best content comes from.

I'm moving from being the middleman, however, to showing "sources" (clients) how to tell their own stories. At the same time, though, many of those stories have to do with connections to other people.

I have to wonder if part of my clients' barrier to storytelling is: how do you capture the intimacy of a shared story/connection? Doesn't that feel like betrayal in some small way -- using a connection to promote your own self?

Your storytelling is a good example of how it is not those things. You are not a "self" promoter -- and I think at least part of our task is to show the difference between self-promotion, and value promotion.

[Harriet Meth]

@Christa - You are so spot-on about getting others to talk about themselves by asking the right questions. That's the best way to connect and to get to the heart of conversation - sharing and exchanging stories.
@Valeria - We've exchanged comments before about the value of the right question at the right time and the value of stories that come in all shapes and sizes. Once again, you've nailed one of the fundamental challenges many people experience in how they approach the concept of conversing with someone else. It's the inquisitiveness, the ability to genuinely be interested in what someone else has to say that will result in stronger connections, better stories and food for future thought.

[Valeria Maltoni]

@Kat - where to start, right? My take is crating something that makes the existing obsolete is a good way to make change happen ;)

@Christa - maybe that's why I have a hard time even talking about the great work I do I'm overly sensitive to the stories of others, and there is something to be said for experiences remaining personal, too. It's a balance we all struggle with, I think.

@Harriet - we have indeed. There are days when that is challenging to do, being totally in the moment like that. The more goal-oriented people tend to plow through things - and you if you get in the way. So far, they seem to have the upper hand in corporate America. Which may be one of the reasons why so many choose other paths - their story is not welcome.