Ten Ways to Be More You

This week we tackled some pretty hefty concepts: who we trust, how we impress and who impresses us, how we participate in social networks, new potential for relationships, and adding value.

In all of those instances, the answer is to be more you.

Take a look. Trust is something that depends on your credibility, which is the results of your actions and how others perceive you through them. This in turn determines how we impress, while our own filters dictate who impresses us.

Your philosophy for participation in social networks may read similar to that of another, yet without you, it doesn't come to life quite the same way. Relationships are built and dissolve on the basis of that expression.

The times when you add most value are those when you're not even trying. In other words, when you're being more who you are. True for individuals as it is for companies -- we are loved and hated for much the same reason: the expression and experience of us.

You may want to be liked by everyone, choose the middle road. I say stop caring so much about what other people think, and start spending more time becoming who you want to be. There are tremendous advantages to that.

Do Richard Branson, Steve Jobs, Mark Cuban, to name three, lose sleep over what others think? I'm thinking they spend most of their time focusing on who they want to be and what they want to do with that.

Here are ten ways to be more you:

(1.) When you look to others, be in learning mode, see them as teachers, and not as competitors. Also remember that we judge others by their actions, while we judge ourselves on our intentions.

(2.) You become what you tend to focus on, so focus on forward leaning and productive thoughts. The greatest sin is that of not believing in yourself.

(3.) Use language deliberately. Words are very powerful and you can either marshal them to align with your efforts, or choose to make them work against you and undermine your confidence.

(4.) What you intend to do, one day, do now. Do and fail rather than never doing. Fear is our greatest friend and best ally. Be more afraid of missing out, than you are of failing.

(5.) Empathize, sympathize as necessary without dramatizing. Drama wants lots of space for itself and you end up playing second fiddle. That also counts for the drama of others.

(6.) Be clear on what you want and be honest on what you're willing to do to get it. It's no use having a dream when you take no steps to achieve it, including commitment.

(7.) Give yourself plenty of room to get to where you want to go. Sometimes it's not a direct route. Stay determined on choosing the direction and persist.

(8.) Be irresistible to yourself. Be noticed and notice things that are just you. Accept them and you will find that others will accept you more readily.

(9.) Live in the present. This is the most difficult for many, including me. Everyone's so busy making plans, that living in the moment is lost.

(10.) Use your passion. It's your best way of becoming yourself and being in flow with work and life.

***

These innocent-looking ten seem simple to do. I'm sure you have many more. The secret with any ten tips or kinds of advice is that they be used as reminders. The answers are in you already. Success, however you define it, is but an expression of existing joy.

It's the same conversation companies need to have. Looking for talent starts inside. Who have you overlooked? What agendas and disconnects between your values and your behaviors exist? How can you start looking at dynamics through a new lens?

Marketing is but a symptom of a larger cause. Good or bad, the more marketing is detached from the real self of a brand product or service, the less it's a genuine expression, the more viscerally we object to it. Authenticity still stands apart and breaks through the noise -- because it connects.

© 2010 Valeria Maltoni. All rights reserved.

Comments

[Terri Waterman]

Whoo hoo!! Awesome post - thank you soooo much!

After moving into a new town and pushing ahead with my business again, I ran into major internal fears about it all. Found that just listening and observing for a while will do wonders while adjusting to new surroundings. I have to constantly tell myself that I don't care what others think (I even say it to myself about my own thoughts when they start getting negative).

As I come up to the anniversary of my mother-in-laws passing away (she had a brain tumor and spent most of her life depressed even though she was amazing in many ways, always saw her as my "hippy mom" - had a horrific last year where she pretty much lost her mind), I remember the first thing I "heard" in my mind right after I found out - it was her voice saying "the negativity is gone, don't even bring it up, it was never me."

So yes yes yes!!! Please everyone, be yourself!! It's a message from the other side! LOL - yeah, that was my mom!

[Hugh DeBurgh - The Passionate Warrior]

Hi Valeria!

Thanks for the opportunity to comment!

To me, #9 (Be In the Present) jumps out as one of the most powerful of these ten ways to "be you".

Implicit in the processes of Learning, Focus, Immediate Action and Empathy is the necessity of being present at that moment in order to achieve what you want.

The old cliche that, "Life is what happens while we are planning other things" became a cliche because it is true. I contend that we spend very little of our hurried time actually doing what we need to do to go where we need to go.

You mention how hard it is to slow down our hurried lives, and this is so true. I wanted to point out that success, in general, sometimes requires that we slow down rather than pour on the coals.

We are always busy, but often we are not busy doing what needs to be done now. Instead, we think about or plan to do things. We juggle schedules. Or meetings.

We try to be who we think that we need to be in order to be a success.

And perhaps we do things that we probably don't need to do in order to get what we want.

Being present is hard to do in our culture. Or it is relegated to special moments of meditation. If we are to succeed in truly being ourselves, and to being a success in our lives, we must learn that it is in the present moment that everything actually gets done!

A great post!

All the best,

Hugh

[Greg Taylor]

One of my biggest principles is transparency. I am a photographer and I try to be as transparent as possible when talking about my business.
I like the point made that being yourself adds value to the relationship. This is quickly becoming one of my favorite blogs to read - Thank you.

[Dorothy Friedman]

This is a great post and gives me a lot to think about. I plan to focus my efforts on being more myself on numbers 1, 2 and 6. Thank you for the ideas and I look forward to being a better me.

[Valeria Maltoni]

@Terri - imagine when I first came to the US, knew nobody, had nothing :) Yes, I do know what it feels like to second guess yourself and I also experienced all of the insecurities of others. Because you know that when others fight you, it's because they fear how you threaten *their* self-identity. What a beautiful image that of your "hippy mom".

@Hugh - and you would be correct. We keep deferring the pleasure we take in being ourselves to live up to someone else (who?) standards. Companies do that, too. In fact, I find that much of the frenzy would go away if we were aligned with our core value(s) and in truth with delivering products and services that people actually want and need. Thank you for your thoughtful comment.

@Greg - glad you're finding value here. As a photographer, the one huge differentiating characteristics is the way you look at a shoot. How you frame an image, what you see and what you let others see. We need to develop our moral compass and interior lens the same way. When we don't express who we are, that expression is lost forever.

@Dorothy - it gave me lots to think about in writing it. A better you makes a better everyone who comes in contact with you. It's amazing how much we can affect just by being ourselves and bringing that gift to the world.

[Ivan Walsh]

I try to remember that time is counted & that every day is one day less in my life.

The years go by very quickly, so if you want to do something start it now.

Don't wait until the perfect moment arrives... give it a go now.

What have you got to lose!

[DaveMurr]

This is a great list to use, and check in every once in awhile to make sure we are on track with our goals. I would humbly add: To see others as mirrors. Reflections of yourself, both the good qualities and the bad. Our social and professional circles teach us what we need to know. And the reality here is we are in other people's live to teach them as well.

[John McTigue]

The only thing I would add is "don't take yourself so seriously". Lighten up. Smell the roses. Make a joke or pass one along every now and then. People like fun people.

[Nikki Stephan]

Love this post, Valeria. Very inspiring. I would add that you end up helping yourself by offering help to others. You become a better person when you make it a point to care about others as much as you do about yourself. Of course it's important to make sure you're doing all the right things in your own life, but it's also important to help guide others in their journey. You can learn a lot about your personal values and attributes when you're putting them to use to benefit others.

[Valeria Maltoni]

@Ivan - indeed, we have power over what we choose to do.

@Dave - I like to spend time with people who are positive, creative, leaning forward, and open to the ideas of others. If that means I'm that way, too... that's great!

@John - in context, of course. Sometime we take ourselves too lightly and give in to what others think instead of following our own advice and gut.

@Nikki - what you suggest also helps shift the focus from being too self-centered to be other-centered. Good observation.

[Diego]

Great article Valeria, every point makes sense for so many circumstances. I had a thought while I was between point 6 and 7.
Sometimes the right route might appear in front of you, and all the miles that you've been
driving without allowing yourself a break, with a vague sense of getting lost, will start to make more sense.

[Eric Tsai]

Valeria, I think the biggest challenge some people have (including myself) is to integrate or streamline the 3 lives that we all manage: public life, private life and secret life. Especially when making a transition from one to another. That's what people and companies fear, what's behind the curtains and the idea of failure. Overcoming

Thanks for the reminder.