Be a Joiner

I remember having this conversation frequently over the years.

People would come up to me and ask me what was my secret to knowing (seemingly) everyone. They noticed that every place I went -- networking event, seminar, even the central train station -- I'd be saying hi to someone I had met, and have a quick catch up conversation whenever possible.

The secret is quite simple, actually -- be a joiner. 

Whenever I meet new people, I don't simply shake hands and nod politely while my gaze is roaming somewhere in the distance. People want to be heard, seen, noticed, they want to count, not just be counted.

I make it a point to follow up by checking out your online presence, or learning more about your favorite project and cause. I stay in touch over time -- sending a book, an article, a connection, a note, whenever I find something you'd find useful. One way to show I care.

And, when the opportunity arises, I join in -- a cause, project, learning experience, story that can make me smarter, and support you. That's why I joined Third Tribe Marketing (affiliate link).

With some people it happens instantly, in other cases, the perfect opportunity presented itself years later. Relationships to me are long term. I've joined many, many initiatives, causes, and people over the years. And continue to do so also with my online presence -- sharing links, ideas, making connections.

You leave a comment here, connect with me over a topic somewhere, and you can count on me remembering the exchange. Italians have a very long memory.

Events where I speak are no different. I join all those in attendance, in real time.

Talk about lifestream! I can update walls and streams later -- what's important are the people in front of me, in the room with me, right that second. Which is one of the reasons I tweet very little from conferences, and blog even less, live. 

If we haven't met in real life, and you are going to be at one of these upcoming events, come up to me and introduce yourself, especially if you're a silent reader. I actually enjoy knowing what you think. Here's where I will be in the next couple of months

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I'm a character most of the time. I'll be even more of one at the #140conf next week at the Manayunk Brewery, where I will share my personal life changing story on the Real-Time Internet and the effects on business.

I see from the notes on the meet up page that I'll be in the same room with some Third Tribe members. It's really good when networks converge and I look forward to shaking hands and being in the same space.

There's still a few spaces left, so make sure you grab one. Monday, March 8 @ 5-7PM. Be there.

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You know that I have something up my sleeve for SxSWi, so make sure you say hi when we cross paths at the many opportunities to learn, network, and connect next week in Austin.

I was honored to be invited to judge the Hive Awards recently to support the work of Alan Walk, and will be at the party.

The bloggers lounge will be one of the places where you'll find me there.

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Social media presents great opportunities and challenges to organizations of all sizes. Unfortunately most firms are ill-prepared to deal with the new realm created by Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, Yammer and other web 2.0 technologies.

As a result, they may ignore the mediums, waste considerable time experimenting with vehicles that deliver little value, under or overspend on technology, and even fail to see legal potholes.

This panel set up as a town hall meeting is co-sponsored by IABC, PHRPS and RIMS. I'm honored to be a Board Member at Large of IABC Philadelphia, and have worked for many years in risk management consulting, even took the associate in risk management designation.

I was helpful the last two panels Rick Alcantara organized, so I got invited back. Wednesday, March 17 @ 8-9:30AM, The Hub Cira Center.

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We're going to talk about how to connect with customers through content -- my favorite -- at the J. Boye Conference.

There are three main things about connection:

1. it's on demand
2. it comes from engagement
3. it prompts us to action

Yet so many Web site owners don't think about online content and marketing as a system. Many companies struggle with how to integrate content in different media and technologies with the brand's need for consistency online (and off line). You want to sell -- your community wants to engage. These two distinct aims needn't be mutually exclusive. Our session will provide you with practical tips to strike this balance. In real time. Every time. My session will be May 6, 10:30-12PM.

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We'll learn why social media is important for brands and how to develop, implement, measure, and manage a program at the Social Media Plus summit executive track.

Social media has changed the way companies and brands are discussed and considered. This presents a challenge, but also opens a number of opportunities for companies ready to harness the power of human interaction. Human involvement is what gives brands the strongest competitive differentiation today.

Executives will learn about the advantages of integrating the social component in their business strategy. This session will cover how to develop, implement, measure, and manage a cross-functional program with goals and metrics that map to impact and track to ROI. Participants will get the inside scoop on finding and activating brand evangelists, gaining competitive intelligence, managing resources and time, while boosting conversions. May 25 @ 7:30AM-5PM at the Philadelphia Convention Center.

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And you can join the rest of the gang at the #kaizenblog Twitter chat every Friday @ 12Noon ET.

Do you want to be on the map? Put yourself there -- being a joiner is not a spectator sport.

Comments

[Jennifer Bailey]

Thanks for the great info. I have been using your blogs to take for discussion in my Friday morning social media groups. We love your stuff :)

[Jon Buscall]

I was hoping you were going to say somewhere in Sweden in your list of approaching talks! Would love to hear you speak. There's a lot of interest in social communications over here and some of the A list bloggers have been over to Stockholm in recent years. Mitch Joel won a lot of fans last year when he spoke.

We look a lot at what's happening in the US.

Very best wishes,
Jon

[Christa M. Miller]

OK. This is going to sound like a terrible excuse, and it probably is... but I have trouble joining because I've never... quite... fit in.

When other high school students were joining band and drama club (each with their own distinct brand of "cool" apart from sports), I was a law enforcement Explorer.

When other college students were doing internships... I was writing a senior thesis. (Not honors. I just enjoyed writing more than, well, working.)

As a journalist I specialized. Newspaper journos said I wrote "PR fluff." When I went into PR, I found people generalizing.

That's not to say the PR/marketing community hasn't been welcoming. Far from it -- I've learned so much from folks like you and Liz Strauss and Beth Harte and Olivier Blanchard and numerous others.

Still... I have such an unconventional background and current interests that I never quite know how to start conversations, or keep them going once I've started them. People's eyes tend to glaze over when I mention digital forensics or law enforcement.

And while I love listening and learning and applying the knowledge to what I do... I tend to stick more with the user communities I serve, for better or worse.

So I guess my question is: is mine a more common story than I think, or is there a way I can integrate more with the marketing community that I'm not seeing?

[Valeria Maltoni]

@Jennifer - glad the information is helpful to you and the group.

@Jon - best way to know is to invite me to go :) In the next year, I plan to do some select international talks, where it makes sense for all involved.

@Christa - joining people doesn't mean you think the same way. I disagree a lot, thoughtfully and respectfully. While you may not be into someone else's interests, being a welcoming ear would make them feel heard. If we gravitated only towards those folks who agree with us, we'd all be mirror images of each other, and we know as humans we like to imitate, and still retain our right to feel unique :) The key to eyes glazing over, I learned, is to keep your side of the conversation brief, or to connect it/correlate it with what you learned from the other. From my experience, many prefer to stick to what *they* do and know and want. If that works, great! Then I hear they have trouble connecting... hence why I write these kinds of posts. Hope this helps.

[Terri Waterman]

Interesting Christa, I feel the same way. As an artist I always feel out of place :) But then I have to keep reminding myself that we're all the same in a lot of ways. Wanting to feel comfortable and connected. I was different from others because I grew up with a hearing loss and had to rely on my own inner strength to get by, being different. And reminding myself that others depend on my perspective for a new way of looking at things.

It's hard, you really have to believe in yourself and not care what others think of you. I still struggle with joining groups but I still force myself to do it a little more often so that I can be available to help. It's that motivation that helps me most. I will never conform, but I can be present. Whew, that was even hard to write! LOL

[Vinod Srinivas]

Hi Valeria, this is a good point you're making. I'm one of those people who pay a lot of attention to creating connections too, and over time, as you say, it can lead to a lot of opportunities and profitable associations. And for me too, saying hi and remembering names has paid off a great deal. But the problem with most speakers (quite a few of my associates) is their "I'm-bigger-than-my-audience" image that they try to create for themselves. They speak at seminars, and then, stand smugly in dark corners with a select few, and wait for others to approach them. The last time I asked a friend who does this, he told me that the aura of aloofness makes him a brand! I believe it's like two sides of the same coin. Both work at the end of the day. What's your take on the other side of the coin?

[Valeria Maltoni]

@Terri - I can count on you to extend conversations. Thank you so much for sharing your story here. Introverted people also have a really hard time in face to face situations, and often find it easier to mingle and network online. Deep down, we all want validation. "I will never conform, but I can be present." This is what we have in common ;)

@Vinod - really astute observation you're making. Do you think it's because there is the perception that a speaker will be more valued if they create this aura of scarce access? Or is it simpler, perhaps insecurity about one's performance? I tend to walk to the middle of the room, if I can. I love making a physical connection with the people who show up and participate. I've experienced the other kind with some speakers who will go unnamed... while it may work with some people, it most certainly doesn't work to engage me. So guess my take is very personal ;)

[Christa M. Miller]

Valeria, it's not about sticking only with people who "agree" with me. I don't do that. Actually, in most cases whether PR or digital forensics, I'm still learning and thus am not in a position to agree or disagree... and that's another part of my problem with joining; I don't know enough to start or continue stimulating conversations, so I mainly listen.

And I guess that's really at the crux of my discomfort in group situations. I've made blog comments (not here) which I felt were ignored because they were simply too basic, or missed the writer's point even if they resonated with me on another level entirely. Which goes back to Terri's point about believing in yourself and not caring about what others think. Generally I don't... until I'm saying something that makes no sense to someone else.

Oh, and I'm also deeply introverted. ;)

[Valeria Maltoni]

You're welcome here any time with any kind of comment. I don't always write brilliant comments myself, so there!

Many of my comments have been ignored in other blogs, so I focus on building a better experience for readers at this blog. We all learn from many different sources. I joined Third Tribe Marketing to support Brian, Chris, Sonia, and Darren and also to learn about stuff I need a deeper dive in. I love the fact that in many threads I am the dumbest person there, and at the same time it makes me feel a little uncomfortable.

Not caring what others think of you helps. Believe it or not, I started life as deeply introverted (I'm a deep thinker). I liked how people responded to my mom, who is extremely extroverted, better. So I worked to move my own needle in that direction.

[Vinod Srinivas]

Personal is good! I think a significant number of speakers shun personal interactions to maintain that aura of exclusivity. And as you pointed out, I also do think there are quite a few speakers who are terribly insecure and don't ever want to be caught in a conversation where they can't dominate or have answers to all questions. Even in a few blogs, I've seen some of the most established bloggers reply to all the "happy comments and praises" but just don't respond to an objection or even a worthy doubt about the theory. But as it is said, to each their own. As for me, I'm on your side, the centre of the room is the best place to be!

[Terri Waterman]

Wow, how neat to run into other introverts! Sometimes I feel that my "deep thinking" throws people off, which I always find entertaining! I've stopped caring what others think because they shouldn't care what I think (well, not that they ever did actually). It releases a tremendous burden in any relationship because no one takes it personally. It's great practice for any kind of connection, I think.

Christa, if I ran into you at a "gathering" and you mentioned PR and digital forensics, I'd be asking you all kinds of questions, sounds like CSI! I just looked it up in wikipedia and found it really interesting, and there's a bunch of groups in LinkedIn for it too. I just can't imagine someone telling me that and me not being intrigued. That's what makes me not want to go to these gatherings, cringe.... :)

Thanks Valeria, you are too cool. And being in the middle of the room after a speech, even cooler!! Caring what other people think makes you a prisoner of their worlds. Bad enough we imprison ourselves with our own insecurities. I find that facing our own stuff within helps us to be more brave in the outer world. Plus having that caring attitude is all you need to make everybody comfortable with it.

[Christa M. Miller]

Valeria, I do appreciate the community you build here and the welcoming you do of everyone who shows up. :) I like being introverted, but now reading your and Terri's replies, I'm thinking a big part of my issue is simply being out of practice. I work from home with all that implies... ;)

Terri, thanks so much for saying that. I geek out talking about it all -- again, guess I need more practice explaining what I do (and why) from a lay perspective! But at the same time, digital forensics isn't your typical B2B or B2C, and it does become hard for people to relate to.

In any case, you two might just get me to stretch. If I can find the right events to attend!