Why is Revenge so Important to us?

That got me as well.

Right before why can large bonuses make CEOs less productive?

Good questions both, why?

As a strategist, I'm paid to ask why a lot. And like Dan Ariely, a professor of psychology and behavioral economics, I ground that question into research data and observation of reality. You got it, this is a book review. Instead of covering the whole book, as I usually do, I will take one slice of this book and apply it to social media.

Are you with me?

The book is The Upside of Irrationality (Amazon affiliate link), which I purchased in my recent trip to Borders together along with Rework. I go to bookstores to take in the universe of what's being written, see the titles, the covers, and gain a sense of the overall direction of... well, for the section where I picked this up, it's the marketing of business.

All of the recent stuff is about marketing. It becomes content-driven with time, if you're lucky and your work has enduring qualities.

Back to revenge, a dish best served cold and a Conversation Agent trivia -- my doctoral dissertation was the translation of Richard Brautigan's The Revenge of the Lawn into Italian (a professor's assignment).

What makes us seek justice?

Betrayal or the perception of being betrayed. As Ariely writes, people are generally willing to put their faith in others, even in people they don't know and will never meet. We get upset when the social contract of trust is violated.

The human levers run as deep as our survival instincts -- punishing betrayal is rooted in our biology, even when it costs us something. Revenge and trust are in fact two sides of the same coin.

This is why we talk so much about accountability in business. Think about how you felt when the economy collapsed, when the bailouts were announced, when companies merge to save a buck and employees get caught in the restructurings, etc.

Confess, you have also thought about rotten tomatoes thrown at poor performers when you took a look at your 401k plans, what's left of them. 

Having the last laugh

At whose expense?

We see countless examples of revenge for poor customer experiences through blog posts, comments on review sites -- just look at travel sites -- and tweets. If Twitter weren't the network of first recourse, we would probably not see so many companies make their way with customer service accounts there.

Here's the thing, we often take it out on the wrong party. Yes, you do too.

You're at the hairdresser and get a terrible hair color experience. The color specialist makes a mistake on the bill, do you tell the front desk, or do you pay less, thus shorting the salon? I'll leave you to thinking about the tip. Tricky question, isn't it? 

Car troubles, spotty mobile phone reception, shoddy big box store service, poor hotel experiences, and the most loved of all -- air travel.

I bet you're all excited about the next flight anywhere already. Or maybe you're thinking about a tax to exact airlines for every unnecessarily unhelpful interaction or lack thereof. The airline may get its song and dance from you. In the meantime, it's probably the steward who takes the brunt of your dissatisfaction.

Do you retaliate against the principal, or just the agent? Ariely's research says we don't distinguish between the two. Which is bad news for companies that are not serious about customer support and service in an environment increasingly charged with annoyance, frustration, and revenge.

There is one thing that takes the sting off revenge -- it's called a sincere apology.

Useful revenge

You probably know of former colleagues who left your company or were laid off and went on to start what became a main competitor to that business. I have many examples from insurance brokerage and services, pharmaceutical, and orthodontia. 

What about social media? Yup, there too.

The best way to use your power of creator and publisher is to put it at the service of your natural gifts. Say you're taking issue with what someone else is doing -- why not focus on a way to enrich the space with your own content and personality? You make us all the better when you choose to do that.

This is a trick I started early on in school. Whenever a teacher thought I was a bit too outspoken and didn't follow the expected path -- I know, a shock to many -- I would dig deeper and demonstrate there was another way to learning the subject matter. 

Go on, teach us a lesson. Don't get mad, get us with your smarts.

***

Bottom line, this book is filled with practical examples of every day experiences and behaviors. It even tells you how to edge your bets with the "not-invented-here" bias. And I know you're going to use that at work.

Read, watch, fan, and follow Dan Ariely.

[image from Romeo and Juliet, a story of two families in Verona that go from ancient grudge to new mutiny, where civil blood makes civil hands unclean]

__________

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Comments

[Lauren Fernandez]

Valeria -

This is an interesting post (and thanks for the book suggestion!) I think it can apply to people of all ages in the workforce. In such a public space, I think its easy for some to feel slighted if they aren't getting the recognition they feel that they deserve. On the flip side, it's also easy to feel attacked by individuals, and when the "revenge" happens, it's difficult to take the high road.

The thing is, you have to. Everything you say is a reflection of not only you, but the brand you work for (whether directly or indirectly.) But, if you show smarts instead, it usually works in your favor (and you aren't being petty at all.)

Lauren Fernandez, Radian6

[Brian Driggs]

This is interesting. I hadn’t necessarily given this much thought. I guess the need for revenge comes from the feeling of betrayal when our trust is broken by others. It *is* a feeling of betrayal, and betrayal has such negative implications. Call me names, tell me you don’t like my company, tell me you don’t like my effing tie, but don’t *betray* my trust. It’s like the ultimate insult, is it not?

Olivier had a post up this week about just this sort of thing – the need to draw a line between reason and emotion when engaging in debate. He points out that debate is a battle and the only way to win is through reason. If your emotions get the best of you, you stand on loose and shifting ground, unable to defend or champion your position. It is for this reason that, when I find myself needing to escalate an issue with a service provider, I make every attempt to show the person on the other end of the phone respect; that I need their help.

It could be viewed as infiltrating the enemies first line of defense, subterfuge, or espionage (my inner Bond fan loves this idea), but it’s not such an extreme position to take. If I rip the first human I get a new one, the defenses go up and I limit my chances of getting what I want. It’s amazing the difference having just one insider on your side can make when battling a giant, multi-national coporation.

Good food for thought. Thanks for sharing.

[bill]

First, a snark - "or were laid off", not " "or where laid off".

Second, a response. I believe that we don't take it out on the wrong person because we don't distinguish between the two; we do it because we can't get at the truly powerful person, and so we settle for the schmo standing in front of us. (Ever heard the phrase 'mau-mauing the flak catchers? That's exactly what I'm thinking about). We want to vent to someone, and we'd prefer someone who can and will fix our problem. Which is why customer service people are taught to echo your statement of the problem - So I understand that you're not happy that the MedWhz5000 pacemaker seems to be affected by your garage door opener, is that correct, sir? - so that it sounds as if they *understand*, they empathize with us, they'll solve our problem. Whether they will or not is yet to be seen.

Third -- sorry, I don't get what "a way to enrich the space with your own content and personality" means, in practical terms. I'm guessing you *don't* mean "Amaze us with your grasp of scatological invective and your ability to force the veins in your forehead to bulge in interesting patterns'. I suspect you mean something like "Reframe the question, shift the point of argument' - something like that. But I'm not sure.

[Valeria Maltoni]

@Lauren - I'm seeing more and more evidence of kindergarten-like behavior on Twitter, and that is one of the reason why I'm focusing my attention elsewhere. Of course, what people fail to see is themselves as they behave poorly, not understanding it bounces right back, as you described. Plus, there is the crying wolf effect as well...

@Brian - I have been thinking that it's an art being a closed open. In other words, being receptive and yet exercise restraint in trusting too quickly and too much before a relationship develops. And in many cases, even after the beginning of one as this is the place where you are most likely to be stabbed in the back. I've experienced that in social media and, believe me, it is not a pleasant thing. Being threatened and bullied, even when you expect it, is not fun. Appealing to the sense of empathy and compassion is a good rule of thumb in any situation, including customer support. It's hard when someone ruins your hair and you have to walk around for a week wearing it until they fix it, yet doable ;-)

@Bill - thank you for the correction. Fixed. It was a late night post. I should stop doing those late at night, which may mean I stop blogging altogether ;-) To your second point, it is the lip service that builds over time. I guess I did a worst job that Ariely in articulating his findings and there is probably a correlation between what you say and what he found. It means ignore the trolls, forget the naysayers, focus on building something you can be proud of (at the service of your natural gifts). Let me reread the whole thing... it does follow a paragraph where I talk about people leaving a company to change the game and I do say that it's valid for social media as well.

[Brian Driggs]

@Valeria - Very true. There is definitely an art to it, but you seldom know the medium before it's time to get creative. For that reason, I think you've got to be comfortable playing different angles, different cards, and different strategies. What works for one might not work for another.

"Know your enemy."
"Keep your friend close, but your enemies closer."

These are terribly cliche, but they're true. To Bill's point about how the person on the other end likely doesn't give a sh*t and isn't empowered to do anything but feebly placate, it might be okay to unload on him, but he still holds the power.

He (or she) is the gate keeper. If FLOD (first line of defense) can't help, he must refer you onward and upward. Piss him off and he might just "accidentally" disconnect. Congratulations, you're back to pressing (1) for English. If nothing else, these indifferent, powerless front-liners want nothing more than to clock in and out, and collect a paycheck. Make things easy on them and you're likely to get your way. Cross them, and it's stabby time.

Then again, after dealing with Sallie Mae on the phone, most call center personnel I deal with seem downright brilliant and effective, so I might be biased. :P